…let all the dreamers wake the nation
…Come the New Jerusalem
…none of these perspectives are mine.
1. My best friend– I’m excited about your bar exam!!
2. My mum– I can’t wait for it to be over.
3. My sister– I can’t wait for you to stop being boring.
It’s so funny, all 3 encapsulate how I feel. I’m excited for it because I’m a little bit excited about showcasing my knowledge, and finally completing what i’ve set out to do. I can’t wait for it to be over because there is just so much stuff I want to do after– it’s like life has been on hold and studying has taken over. And, yes, I can’t wait to be a bit more exciting.
“…when you ‘do the thing you think you cannot do’ and head straight into the situation you fear most, you’ll be so overwhelmed by the experience that you begin detaching from past and future, just focusing on handling what’s happening at the moment. At that point, the only thing you have to do to become the Stargazer is to allow that moment to be, without any resistance whatsover. I call this ‘saying yes to the mess.'” – The Ring of Fire, Martha Beck
When fear makes your choices for you, no security measures on earth will keep the things you dread from finding you. But if you can avoid avoidance—if you can choose to embrace experiences out of passion, enthusiasm, and a readiness to feel whatever arises—then nothing, nothing in all this dangerous world, can keep you from being safe. – Martha Beck
Bar prep is strange. There’s nothing else like it. 3 day test to determine whether you’re worthy of entry into the field. Months of prep work for it. People compare it to marathon training, but i’ve run marathons and it’s not like that. When you’re training for a marathon, you know what you’re going to face. And every day and in every weekly long run, you build towards that certainty of what you’re going to face. Every run is a just a few steps closer to the completion of that longer run. Plus marathons are fun! You get the freedom to run through a whole city — with streets closed off, and people cheering, and energy, and sights.. it’s fun. Painful, sure. But bar prep – i don’t know if it’s marathon training. I have no idea what the essays i’m tested on are going to be. There are 17 subjects and 6 of them will be tested on essay. There will be 2 simulation essays – as if i’m reading a file for a client and then writing the right type of paper about it. And then there will be 200 multiple choice questions. And it’s more consuming that marathon prep. However, I am not a pro runner, but this exam is something that I have to approach like a pro. So all in all, it’s an interesting experience. We hope that we can keep all this information in our head. We hope that we can convey it well enough so readers are convinced that we know it all well enough. We hope that we’ll have a spectacularly-in-the-zone multiple choice test day. We hope for all these things. And in order for the hope to become real, we have to study, we have to practice lots, and we have to have faith. You don’t need 100% on this test. I believe a pass is around 65%. I guess that is not high, and I guess I should not complain. With all the details and intricacies that are going to be tested, we should be allowed some leeway.
Anyhow, this post is about my trying to figure out -in-the-grand-scheme- what bar prep is. Is it the last hurdle of entry into the profession? Or is it just some really bizarre self-annihilative process where we surrender to circumstances and work our butts off? We need to be tested somehow I suppose. I’ve just never experienced anything like this. I hope the outcome will be positive. I am very grateful for this bizarre experience – because despite my musings, it’s truly fascinating to be learning these vast vast vast reams of information, and knowing them well. And it’s even more fascinating to be putting it into application by recognizing the law in strange little multiple choice questions, and then expounding upon the law in essay. I did not know think that i would know the elements of different things so well.
I do miss life though. I’m looking forward to returning to my family and friends once this over. But first I must complete it, so that it really is over.